Saturday, 28 May 2011

wife & husband 7

*7)Expiry date*

Wife: "Honey, what are you looking for?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?"

Husband:" I was looking for the expiry date!

Friday, 27 May 2011

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me with a simple question.
Question : What drink would you like to have...?
Answer   : Tea please

Question :  Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer   :  Ceylon tea

Question : How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer   : white

Question : Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer   : With milk

Question : Goat's milk, or cow's milk?
Answer   : With cow's milk please.

Question : Friezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer   : Uhm, I'll just take it black.

Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer   : With sugar

Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer   : Cane sugar

Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer   : Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.

Question : Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer   : Mineral water

Question : Flavored or non-flavored, sparkling or non?
Answer   : I think I'll just die of thirst

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Husband and Wife 6

*6)Baby burn't*

A white couple had a black baby….

The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.

Husband: Why the baby black?

Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Husband and Wife 5

**5)Don't disgrace your family*

A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date. Her mother warned her…."1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he wants to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name."

Next day girl told Mom, "Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family."

Monday, 23 May 2011

Wife and Husband 4

*4)Not at all*

70 yr old man asks his wife "do u feel sad when u see me running behind
young girls?"

Wife replied "No not at all, even dogs chase cars let alone nice cars but they can't drive it." *

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Living Standards of the 21st Century!

Living Standards of the 21st Century!

Our communication - Wireless

Our phones - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our Sweets - Sugarless

Our labor - Effortless

Our relations - Fruitless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Worthless

Our Mistakes - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our youth - Jobless

Our Ladies - Topless

Our Boss - Brainless

Our Jobs - Thankless

Our Needs - Endless

Our situation - Hopeless

Our Income - Less & less

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

*3)Wedding nights*

Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are

sleeping with?' "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!' *

Sunday, 15 May 2011

wife & husband 2

*2)Wife & Husband*

Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"

Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a NEW ONE

every morning!" *

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

1) Wife & Husband

*1) Wife & Husband

Wife *: How have you managed to get home so early today? *

Husband* : My boss lost temper with me and shouted "Go to hell". So I came home.*

Saturday, 7 May 2011

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back!
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful   dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams  and  he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies.... .

Monday, 2 May 2011


Did I read that sign right?

On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.