GROWTH = INPUT < OUTPUT

THE CHINESE WORKMAN

THE CHINESE WORKMAN

A building contractor hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks....

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

SIMPLE MARKETING CONCEPT

SMART INVESTMENT

A Singapore millionaire, William, secretly maintained a mistress in Hong Kong , bought a posh sea view apartment (in his own name) for her to live in, plus gave her a monthly allowance of US$5,000. The house cost him about US$700,000 in 2005. The affair lasted for 5 years.

He sold the house this year for $3.8 million, after they broke up. 

A quick calculation shows that after 5 years of a fling with the woman, he still had a net gain of $2.8 million plus six years of FREE SEX.

When his wife found out about this, he offers the $2.8 million to her.
But she was still not happy ........... , and she was very mad at him and gave him a big mouthful...

She yelled at him at the top of her voice and said ......
"BLOODY IDIOT, STUPID FOOL" !!! ..............
Why the hell didn't you keep TWO MISTRESSES !!!! _,

THAT'S THE WAY TO GET FAT SALARY JOB

Asking for a raise

一封員工要求加薪的英文信，以及老闆的回信 (真是高手過招，不看會遺憾哦! )

A letter asking for an increment in pay by an employee n the boss' reply.

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ .  worker$who have given $o much $upport including$weat and $ervice to your company. 
I am   $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond   $oon.

Your$   $incerely, 
Marian $hih

第二天，她收到了老闆的回信：

The 2nd day she received a reply from her boss: 

Dear Marian

I kNOw you have been working very hard.NOwadays,NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. 
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. 
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. 
 

Yours truly, 
Manager

Management Lesson 6

Lesson 6  A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.  Morals of the story:  (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.  (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!   THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Aspire to Inspire Before You Expire!

Management Lesson 5

Lesson 5 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' 

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. 

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. 

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 

Moral of the story: 
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. 

Management Lesson 3

Lesson 3: 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. 

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone. 

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' 

Puff! He's gone. 

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. 

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 

Moral of the story: 

Always let your boss have the first say. 

Management Lesson 2

LOGO DESIGN AND THEME CONTEST FOR "LIFT YOU UP"

USD 30 WILL BE GIVEN TO THE WINNER OF THE ABOVE CONTEST

(Please forward via comment AND the Winner will be broadcasted here ) 

Lesson 2: 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. 

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 

The priest nearly had an accident. 

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.. 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' 

Moral of the story: 
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 

Management Course Lesson 1:

Dear Readers,

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.. 

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.. 

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' 


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. 


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' 


Moral of the story: 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your share holders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.