WIFE

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson

The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno

HAVE AN INDIAN BRAIN

Have a good laugh!

Mathematician:  How do you write 4 in between 5?  Chinese :  Is this a joke? Japanese :  Impossible! American : The question 's all wrong! British :      It's not found on the Internet    And the Indian answer:-           Indian:  F(IV)E   This is the reason why Indians are everywhere in the world: in finance, business, medicine, engineering.... anything to do with using both sides of the brain.

KOPI OR BREAD IS MORE TALKATIVE

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH, FOR THE DAY !!!
Kopi or Bread

This is good .....hahaha.... your answer sure wrong...I bet.  For laughs鈥�   Kopi and bread . Which is more talkative, kopi or bread ? *Scroll down for the answer .... Answer: Bread. Because BreadTalkbut Kopitiam!?!

 

JOKE - SUNDAY

SUNDAY
   

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .  As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.  'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'  She then asked, 'What do you do in  America  with your old goats?'

A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!'

JOKE - SATURDAY

SATURDAY 

 

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at theCountry Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.  His buddies at the club are all aghast.  At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'  Bob replies, 'Girlfriend?  She's my wife!'  They are knocked over, but continue to ask.  'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'  'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90..'

JOKE - FRIDAY

FRIDAY 

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in  Tampa  .  'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water..  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' 

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

JOKE - THURSDAY

THURSDAY 

 

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.  Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

 

'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'