Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Did I read that sign right?
Did I read that sign right?
Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Monday, 28 March 2011
The Arrogance of Authority
The Arrogance of Authority
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
(I just love this part....)
(I just love this part....)
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Three accountants were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
Three accountants were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At PW, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Ernst, we don't piss on our hands."
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At PW, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Ernst, we don't piss on our hands."
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Monday, 14 March 2011
Oops wrong email
WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS...
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who had died following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving WifeSubject: I've ArrivedDate: January 16, 2011
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM 7
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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