JOKES - WEDNESDAY

WEDNESDAY 

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied.  'The rest are for your father.'

JOKE - TUESDAY

TUESDAY 

 

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
 
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'the hell you did'

JOKE - MONDAY

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

A TWO WAY CONVERSATION of THE LORD'S PRAYER

A  TWO  WAY  CONVERSATION  of  THE  LORD'S  PRAYER

This  is  a  neat  one. . . . .  very  interesting !

A  TWO  WAY  CONVERSATION  of  THE  LORD'S  PRAYER

-----

Read out in a Church in Australia

Our Father Who Art In Heaven.

Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But -- you called ME!

Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.

There -- you did it again!

Did what?

Called ME. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven" Well, here I am.. What's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it.  I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty. Well, all right.

Go on.

Okay, Hallowed be thy name .

Hold it right there. What do you mean by that?

By what?

By "Hallowed be thy name"?

It means, it means . . good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?

It means honored, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense..
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.

Thanks.

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of  neat if you got control, of everything down here like you have up there.. We're kinda in a mess down here you know.

Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.

That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money -- all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read?

Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!

Excuse ME.. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it. Like you -- for example ....

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.

So could I.

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.

Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of You.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread.. You're overweight as it is.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.

Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for. Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying.  ( pause ... . ) Well, go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

What about Ann?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!

But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer?

I didn't -- mean it...

Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness and resentment isn't it?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born.

No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are --  Well, I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Ann. Then, I'll forgive you; And the hate and the sin, will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned.

Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with You . . (sigh). All right, all right . ...I forgive her.

There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?

Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer, are you? Go on.

Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good!   I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

You know what I mean.

Yeah. I know.

Okay. Go ahead. Finish your prayer..

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory -- What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now.. I've really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you.. I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me . . . How do I make you happy?

YOU  just did.

______________________________

Now Please pass this on!!! There are a lot of people out there

needing this message.

This is in two parts,  the prayer (in blue type) and GOD in response  (in red type) . It is very, very good. 

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Have a good laugh

Have a good laugh.


WISDOM OF CONFUCIUS


Two things in life that are difficult to achieve:-


1. to plant your idea in someone's head


2. to plant someone's money in your own pocket.


o He who succeeds in planting his idea in someone's head - we call Lao Shi (teacher)


o He who succeeds planting someone's money in his own pocket - we call Lao Ban (boss)


o The one who succeeds in both - we call Lao Po (wife) or Lao Qian (trickster)


o The one who fails in both - we call Lao Gong (husband)

WISDOM OF CONFUCIUS

Have a good laugh.


Two things in life that are difficult to achieve:-


1. to plant your idea in someone's head


2. to plant someone's money in your own pocket.

TOO OLD TO SQUAT

An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.   A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane. Remarking to the other little old lady, she said: "There really is no justice in the world." The other little old lady asked: "What do you mean by that?" The first little old lady replied: "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it." "When I was 30, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40, I asked for it." "When I was 50, I paid for it." "When I was 60, I prayed for it." "When I was 70, I forgot about it." "Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat."