Monday, 24 August 2015

Thursday, 20 August 2015

SUNDAY MORNING SEX

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed, make a doctor's appointment.

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

CHEAPEST PARKING FEE IN LONDON

A wealthy Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.
“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”
The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"
The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"

Friday, 30 January 2015

HAHA!

JUST FOR LAUGHS;
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him".
His mom is taken by surprise and says "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The little boy says, That won't work"
His Mom says, "WHY?"
The little boy replies "Because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!!"

Thursday, 29 January 2015

JUST FOR LAUGHS

JUST FOR LAUGHS;

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING SO MUCH TILL MY STOMACH FEEL CRAMP - HOW ABOUT YOU, DO YOU HAVE THIS EFFECTS, WHAT SAY YOU ?
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
Husband says: "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope u said Hello to them.."

Monday, 26 January 2015

6 LAUGHS

JUST FOR LAUGHS;
Six Laughs:
No1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep.The next day, their driver died of poisoning. **************************************
No2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. 
His son asked Dad why?
He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum. **************************************

No3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. 
Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.************************************
No4
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them,Son: "What are you doing?" 
Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol on your Mom.
"Son: "Haauu - Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday." Mother fainted!**************************************
No5
A man went to the pub with his wife.When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered:"You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay. **************************************

No6 - Classic
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"

Sunday, 11 January 2015

DIVORCED AND DRUNK

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.

His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"