Monday, 12 July 2010


Two old fogeys

Two very elderly friends, Max and Gus, met in the park every day to feed the
pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Gus didn't
show up. Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some

But after Gus hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got worried.
The only time they spent together was at the park, and Max couldn't remember
where Gus said he lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to

A month passed and Max figured old Gus had gone to his heavenly reward, but
one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Gus!

Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said,
"For crying out loud Gus, what happened to you???"

"I have been in jail," Gus
"Jail?" cried Max, "What in the world for?"

"Well," Gus said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at
the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"

"Yeah" said Max, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she
charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old
goat like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled

"The judge took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

BP great story

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered,

Wait for it. wait for it..

You're just gonna love this..

Monday, 5 July 2010


Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking..

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Football - Why 45 minutes

With World Cup just round the corner, some basic simple facts that you've just got to know. So, tell me WHY?

Why football is played for 45 minutes in each half?

Those who thought of this must have lots of time
Why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?
Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the right answer.
In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.

He said......."The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is...

There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team.
Each player brings his own "2 balls"
So in total there are 44 balls.
There is one ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45.

Question Answered !!!

Sometimes there is extra time of 2 mins which is the referee's balls!