Married Life

RELAX  N  SMILE  !!!  

A marvellous answer

A mechanic was removing  the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he  spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the  garage," Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute." The  famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The  mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this.  I  also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and  when I finish this will work as a new one...  So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? " The  doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....     " Try to do it when the Engine is RUNNING  "

What firm are you from

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it."

                Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,

                "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?" 

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.  'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'  'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'  A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'  Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two  groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.  The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself  spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.  (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won. Share this with all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.

Management Lesson 6

Lesson 6  A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.  Morals of the story:  (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.  (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!   THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Aspire to Inspire Before You Expire!

Management Lesson 5

Lesson 5 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' 

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. 

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. 

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 

Moral of the story: 
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. 

Lesson 4 

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. 

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 

Moral of the story: 
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. 

FIND OUT WHAT LIVE SHOW

Dear friend,


The Morning Breakfast Show"
LIVE" on Singapore radio




THIS MORNING BREAKFAST SHOW in
Singapore RADIO
on 14.09.09





Below conversation really happened on a Singapore radio today.
I think some of you in the south area had heard it on the
radio too.

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!

DJ : Good morning. This is Power 98 and do you want to play
a game?

Contestant : Yeah, why not?


DJ : Good. It is a simple game. When I say something, you
have to give an answer that is opposite to what I have said.

For example, when I say Sharp, you have to answer Blunt.
OK?

Contestant : OK

DJ : Sun
Contestant : Moon


DJ : Black
Contestant : White

DJ : Tall
Contestant : Short

DJ : Dog
Contestant : Cat

DJ : Man
Contestant : Woman

DJ : Cock
Contestant : CHEEBYE !!! (WOMEN PRIVATE PART
IN HOKKEIN DIALECT)
 
 
SINGAPORE RADIO HAD A 20
SECONDS SILENCE
 ..............................................


DJ : These things sometimes happen and we are on live.
Let's take a commercial
break here.

Management Lesson 3

Lesson 3: 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. 

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone. 

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' 

Puff! He's gone. 

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. 

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 

Moral of the story: 

Always let your boss have the first say. 

Management Lesson 2

LOGO DESIGN AND THEME CONTEST FOR "LIFT YOU UP"

USD 30 WILL BE GIVEN TO THE WINNER OF THE ABOVE CONTEST

(Please forward via comment AND the Winner will be broadcasted here ) 

Lesson 2: 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. 

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 

The priest nearly had an accident. 

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.. 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' 

Moral of the story: 
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 

Management Course Lesson 1:

Dear Readers,

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.. 

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.. 

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' 


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. 


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' 


Moral of the story: 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your share holders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Poem Husband wrote to wife 5

Hi! Friend, 

Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too not in cage but laughing at you.

Cheers 

James Oh

Poem Husband wrote to wife 4

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?

Poem Husband wrote to wife 3

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

Poem Husband wrote to wife 2

Hi! Everyone,

This is another good poem you should not afford to miss it:-


God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
 
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.



Thanks for your time.

Stay tuned for more...

Seeing you then, 


Happy weekend,


James Oh