SMART INVESTMENT

A Singapore millionaire, William, secretly maintained a mistress in Hong Kong , bought a posh sea view apartment (in his own name) for her to live in, plus gave her a monthly allowance of US$5,000. The house cost him about US$700,000 in 2005. The affair lasted for 5 years.

He sold the house this year for $3.8 million, after they broke up. 

A quick calculation shows that after 5 years of a fling with the woman, he still had a net gain of $2.8 million plus six years of FREE SEX.

When his wife found out about this, he offers the $2.8 million to her.
But she was still not happy ........... , and she was very mad at him and gave him a big mouthful...

She yelled at him at the top of her voice and said ......
"BLOODY IDIOT, STUPID FOOL" !!! ..............
Why the hell didn't you keep TWO MISTRESSES !!!! _,

DON'T TOW MY CAR

HANDS FREE

TALKING TO THE WALL

A female CNN journalist heard about a very elderly Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,
walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to
love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

The journalist then asked, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a wall."

EXACTLY

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.
The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?”

“Great,” says the old man. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”
The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, “Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”

“What?!” cries the old man. “Why? that’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”
“Exactly!” says the doctor.

WAIT FOR ME

Teacher: - what's wrong?

Wayne :- our house is very small. Me, my mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed.

Every night my dad asks, 'Wayne are you sleeping?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye"

Teacher:- tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer.
The following morning Wayne comes back with a severe black eye again.

Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again?

Wayne:- Dad asked me again, Wayne are u sleeping? & I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad & my mom started moving, you know, at the same time Mum was breathing erotically, kicking her legs up frantically & squealing like a hyena on the bed
.
Then my dad asked my mum, Are u coming? Mum said, Yes I'm coming, are u coming too? Dad answered:- Yes.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said “wait for me, I'm also coming