HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

Hi Everyone, Time flies and in the next few hours, we will be welcoming a brand new year,2016. I would like to take this time and thank you. Thanks for the wonderful support you have given me in every aspect, also thanks the guidance and feedback in helping me to grow professionally. I believe that we will continue to work closely and achieve greater success in the new year. Lastly, I want to wish you and your family good health and good wealth. Happy New Year! James Oh Chief Valuation Creation Officer

How to effectively ask for a raise

IF YOU JUST DO WITHOUT THINKING

GROWTH = INPUT < OUTPUT

JUST FOR LAUGHS

JUST FOR LAUGHS;

An Indian Joke - Masterpiece!

After sorting through a stack of resumès he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT”. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed”.

He then turned to George, the Australian, who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to the guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

He replied, (in his Indian accent!) "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said the Indian.

“You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !

"The Indian is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in New Jersey.

Laughter is the Best Medicine😀😂

THE SMARTER DOG EVER

Joke of the day:
THE SMARTEST DOG EVER

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

THE CHINESE WORKMAN

THE CHINESE WORKMAN

A building contractor hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks....

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

MIND CHANGING CONCEPT

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."

The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."

This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

So who are the real robbers here?

SIMPLE MARKETING CONCEPT

EMAIL

SUNDAY MORNING SEX

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed, make a doctor's appointment.

CHEAPEST PARKING FEE IN LONDON

A wealthy Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"

HAHA!

JUST FOR LAUGHS;

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.

Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him".

His mom is taken by surprise and says "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The little boy says, That won't work"

His Mom says, "WHY?"

The little boy replies "Because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!!"

JUST FOR LAUGHS

JUST FOR LAUGHS;

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING SO MUCH TILL MY STOMACH FEEL CRAMP - HOW ABOUT YOU, DO YOU HAVE THIS EFFECTS, WHAT SAY YOU ?

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
Husband says: "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope u said Hello to them.."

6 LAUGHS

JUST FOR LAUGHS;

Six Laughs:
No1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep.The next day, their driver died of poisoning. **************************************

No2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. 

His son asked Dad why?

He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum. **************************************

No3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. 

Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.************************************

No4
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them,Son: "What are you doing?" 

Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol on your Mom.

"Son: "Haauu - Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday." Mother fainted!**************************************

No5
A man went to the pub with his wife.When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered:"You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay. **************************************

No6 - Classic
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"

DIVORCED AND DRUNK

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.

His wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"